Balancing Our Memories of 2020 With Grace
by: Sheila Battle
As I was preparing to finalize this month’s essay for Words for the Journey I had an unexpected medical emergency that nearly caused me to miss the publishing dead line. Since rest was a requirement for recovery, I took some time to rethink what I would share and how these last words for 2020 could encourage the friends and supporters of this beloved community.
My medical emergency interrupted my weekend in much of that same way that 2020 disrupted many of our lives. Excruciating pain, sickness and sorrow seemingly came out of nowhere. 2020 brought with it unexpected levels of suffering that required us to slow down, assess what was wrong and tend to what ails us. Although it rarely feels like it in the moment, these same steps are part of the path to healing if we first admit that we are indeed hurting and stay the course of our treatment plan.
While witnessing unprecedented sickness, social unrest and grief, I’ve also seen a great deal of generosity, heroic acts of compassion and whole hearted sharing that perhaps would not have happened had times been milder. I always say that there are two sides to every coin. We do ourselves a disservice by only focusing on the negatives of this year because we deny ourselves deeper insight about experiences that stretched and groomed us for the better.
Despite all that we’ve seen and experienced we know that impermanence is a staple of the human experience. Change really is the only constant and we can determine our response skillfully and with intention. The fruit of change can be fragrant when we cease to resist it by embracing the art of allowing. There were so many valuable lessons this year that it would be easy for them to get lost in the volume of its challenges and all of the ways that change was hard to adjust to.
When reflecting on 2020 and this medical episode, I was quickly reminded that pain can be a powerful indicator of what needs to change. That sometimes it provides language that suffering is unable to articulate. Pain drives our attention to the specifics and tells us exactly where the injury is and offers solutions on how best to address it. Pain also offers us choices for how to handle her.
We can ignore pain until it demands a response.
We can sit in the pain and allow it swallow us whole or we can sit with the pain, acknowledge its voice and seek to remedy it.
As dreadful as it sounds, a life with no pain is a life not fully lived. What we learn from pain can contribute to how we show up in the world and how we handle the pain of others with greater empathy.
As you reflect on the events of 2020, what were points of pain for you… emotionally, mentally, socially? What about your life can be made better because of the pain you’ve experienced and overcome? What intentional work can be done by your hand and heart to help prevent deep levels of pain for someone else? How has pain changed you for the better?
The events of 2020 and this medical episode have encouraged me to hug my family a little tighter and say “I love you” more often. Perhaps you’ve gained some empathy for others and are less likely to judge so harshly. Perhaps we have learned to embrace the good times and allow ourselves to be fully connected to the things that truly make us happy. Perhaps we take a look at our world and became more aware of the elements of our society that need changing.
Perhaps we learned how to slow down.
Perhaps we learned to allow and not avoid.
Perhaps we learned that even pain has a purpose.
Though the year is coming to a close, there are exciting things that are just in the beginning stages. Some people might resist being optimistic, because having hope is too much of a risk to bet on. After all, we are also embarking on new territory. And though we may feel vulnerable, scared and even scarred, we can find comfort in the fact that somehow we have gotten through it all.
You owe it to yourself to close this chapter and start a new one. Moving forward will feel like learning how to walk again. The beauty is that after walking, comes running. After running comes leaping and if you’re feeling young and limber perhaps even a cartwheel is in your future. (smile)
Speaking of being young, I often think about how future students will learn about this time period in their classes. They will look at pictures, documents, videos and articles getting a sense of how we carried on. I like to think that we are making history yet untold by how we memorialize today. I hope they can see us finding innovative ways to get through hard times with our sense of humanity intact. Those before us showed us the way and we can do the same for future generations.
So Family, how will you memorialize 2020? Will you only secure the stories of pain without the benefits of its purpose? Or will you include the lessons, the stories and the strategies of resiliency and renewed strength?
Personally, I am determined to look towards the New Year with my hope intact for a better tomorrow and appreciation for the lessons learned today. I also plan to pay better attention to pain in all her forms expecting a full recovery of strength after each battle. As we travel through the final days of 2020 and engage in innerwork, I pray that you would deal tenderly with yourself and others. That you would embrace opportunities for joy and that you would balance your memories of 2020 with grace.
From my heart to Yours,
Sheila Battle
Board Member